Sorry Apple, Bear, and North. I guess your parents just hate you.

I know I haven’t posted in a REALLY long time, but it’s not without good reason.  My spring and summer has been so super busy.    Let’s see, I have been filming my reality tv show, going on interviews and photo shoots, vacationing in Greece, getting my divorce finalized, and of course having a baby.  Wait, that’s right that isn't me, that's Kim Kardashian. 

While we can all agree that she makes a sweet living out of doing absolutely nothing, it does keep her busy.  Maybe this busy schedule is the reason why she and Kanye West chose to name their child North West.  What else could be the reason for such a ridiculous name?  Either their busy schedule is to blame or they just plain hate their child.  At this point in time these are the only logical reasons I can come up with.

What is it with celebrities choosing absurd names for their children?  Do they think that just because they are famous and have money it keeps them from looking stupid?  Do they not realize that their child now has a giant bull’s eye on their back?  I’m sure those rich celebrity kids can be just as cruel as the other kids.  (I predict Suri Cruise will be the Regina George of Beverly Hills.  I mean what 4 year old wears high heels?) 

Luckily for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, they are not alone.  There seems to be an entire slew of celebrities who think their “cleverness” puts them in a supreme coolness category that the rest of us could never achieve.  To spare you the time and nausea of looking up these names on your own, I will give you 5 of my favorite, yet most obnoxious celebrity baby names.  Prepare to be amazed at the sheer volume of stupid.

1)    Apple Martin – As if Gwyneth Paltrow wasn’t annoying enough, she had to go and do this.

2)    Coco Arquette – I understand Coco coming from a child of David Arquette, but Courtney Cox, seriously?  We really did expect more from you Courtney - after all you are from Alabama.

3)    Pilot Inspektor – The “My Name is Earl” actor is the proud papa to this terrible name.  I guess they wanted to keep the crazy baby name trend going in the family.  It makes sense if you think about it; the baby’s father's name is Jason Lee for crying out loud.

4)    Tennessee Toth – I’m all about embracing your roots, but really Reece Witherspoon.  I hope he inherits his parent’s good looks or else middle school is really going to suck for this kid.

5)    Bear Blu – Alicia Silverstone prepare to be hated by your child for the rest of your life.

So there you have it people, 5 of the worst celebrity baby names ever.  The best part about this is this is the short list.  There are many more ridiculous names and future victims of Hollywood bullying being born every single day.

 

In regards to North West, we might never know the reasoning for such a stupid name.  I don't even think Kris Jenner understands.  She was quoted as saying, "The way [Kim] explained it to me was that North means highest power and she says that North is their highest point together."  

Um, what? 

I'm not sure its something we will ever understand.  Part of me thinks there must have been something that forced them to think this was a good idea.  Maybe Kim had a rush of pregnancy endorphins after birth.  Maybe the epidural was too strong.  Maybe Kanye smoked one of those “other” cigarettes.  Who knows.  Maybe we are the ones who are off.  Maybe in 20 years we will look back at North West and think “Wow, your parents really were baby name trendsetters.”  Oh who are we kidding, that’s never going to happen.

 

 

 

 

Apparently, Kim had a hard time accepting how pregnancy changed her body.  Naming the baby North West must have been payback for it having made her fat.

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple

I mean . . . . I just . . . .oh hell what’s the point?  

 

 

 

She named me what?  Come on!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There Brintey goes, just like the Karate Kid.

So it’s been quite some time since I last posted on the blog, but it’s not without reason.  I have been mulling over this post for a while, trying to let fate run its course and let myself reflect on the reality of the situation.  But now I think it’s now safe let you know my take on everything.

I can sum it up in four simple words . . . . Britney is back baby!

I know, I know, you must be thinking that I’ve lost my mind.  That I have finally let the awesomeness that is Britney Spears cloud my good judgment.  But just hear me out.

I know there were a few of you who were shocked when Britney and Jason Trawick ended their relationship.  I on the other hand, wasn’t.  Don’t get me wrong, he was ok, but their relationship seemed more business than pleasure. 

And as soon as the news of the breakup came out, so did the naysayers.  “Is this the beginning of the next Britney downfall?”  “I bet she’s going to have another breakdown!”  “Oh just wait, it’s about to be 2007 all over again.”

I will admit that my heart did skip a beat when I saw her get coffee at Starbucks wearing those wretched Uggs.  But guys relax; this is Britney that we are talking about.  True, she doesn’t have the best track record, but she’s like a cat, she always lands on her feet no matter how bad it might seem at first.  Even the with worst Britney shenanigans, I can prove there was always a silver lining that followed. 

Crazy Shenanigan # 1

We all remember when Britney drove with her child on her lap. 











Silver Lining

New awareness was brought to light about the safety of children in cars.

 

 

Crazy Shenanigan # 2

Britney attacked a car with an umbrella.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silver Lining

Britney is proving that it’s always best to be prepared.  You never know when you might run into a freak rainstorm.

 

 

 

Crazy Shenanigan # 3

Britney married her childhood friend Jason Alexander in Las Vegas wearing a black midriff sweater, torn jeans, and a trucker hat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silver Lining

At least she knew that it was customary to wear black to a formal event like a wedding. Plus, I am sure the invitation said black tie optional.

 

 

Honestly, if you think about it, aren’t we all just a little bit Britney ourselves?   Haven’t we made our share of mistakes?  Who of us hasn’t gotten a bad hair cut or walked on a not so clean floor?  And if we are just a tad like Britney, who are we to judge her?  She’s the one who is leaving her $15 million job at the “X Factor” to headline her own show in Las Vegas.  She’s the one who broke up with her fiancé and then came to Elton John’s Oscar party looking killer.  She’s the one who remains from awesome from head to toe. 

 

So don’t worry guys, Britney will be just fine.  After all she did once say:

“I go through life like a Karate Kid.”

I don’t really know what that means, but I’m sure Mr. Miyage would be proud.

 


Come on you guys, you know you have walked on some unclean floors too.

 


No worries, this isn't a repeat of 2007 (though the UGGs unfortunately are). 

 

                                                            

Ladies and gentlemen she is back!  Boom!

 

 

When it comes to the Kardashians, love really is a battlefield just like Pat Benatar said.

Tonight is a quite night in my house.  I am sitting alone drinking a glass of wine and taking some time to reflect on events that are happening in the world.  There is a big gun debate going on in the country.  Three of the biggest stars in the history of baseball were rejected from the baseball hall of fame.  Kim Kardashian is pregnant.  Wait what?  That’s right.  Kim Kardashian is preggers and for some reason it was one of the most talked about news stories in the last couple of weeks.

The announcement of Baby Kimye (in case you don’t know that is a combo name for Kim Kardashian and Kanye West) has once again stirred up the inner turmoil I have for the Kardashian clan.  Here’s the break down:  I equally love and hate that family.  I get so sick of how over exposed they are, yet I can’t stop watching them.  I despise some of the things they do, yet I admire other things they do.  I am in a vicious cycle where I border on obsession and disgust.

When I found out about the pregnancy my first thought was “Oh great, exactly what the world needs – another Kardashian.”  This thought was quickly followed by “I wonder if they will do a spin-off of the show to follow her pregnancy.  That would be awesome!”

Unfortunately it seems as though Baby Kimye only added fuel to the ever raging fire of my Kardashian feelings.   

My love/hate for this family was also brought back up to the surface when I saw this week’s US Weekly magazine.  Plastered on the cover is Kourtney Kardashian in a bikini.  The tag line reads “How I got thin fast”.  Immediately I was enraged!  How you got thin fast?!  I can tell you how you got thin fast!  You are rich.  You have nannies to take care of your children.  You have a personal chef to do all of your shopping and to cook you healthy meals.  You have a personal trainer that you can afford to meet with every single day.  You have a house keeper to clean your house and do your laundry.  Your “job” consists of having a television crew follow you around all day while you cuss, shop, and hang out.  You have all the time in the world to get thin fast!

Then my next immediate thought was, “She looks great!  I love that bikini!  I hope they will include this on the next season of Keeping up with the Kardashians.”

And so it goes on.  My battle of love and hate continues just like the many episodes and spin-offs of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”.   

I guess Pat Benatar was right when she sang “Love is a Battlefield”.  It sure is Pat.  It sure is.

 

 

 

The Kardashians in their 2012 Christmas card looking annoying and perfect in equal messures.

The sting that keeps on stinging.

Break ups are never easy.  Even the most amicable break ups are hard.  But what do you do when the break up is bad?  For example, what do you do if your significant other leaves you for someone else?  And what if they not only leave you for someone else, but they leave you when you are pregnant?  And what if they not only leave you for someone else when you are pregnant, but they leave you for a model?  And what if they not only leave you when you are pregnant for a model, but they leave you for a Victoria Secret model?  And what if they not only leave you when you are pregnant for a Victoria Secret model, but they leave you for the highest paid model in the world?  Ouch.

I often wonder how Bridget Moynahan dealt with her break up from Tom Brady.  It’s bad enough to be dumped by someone, but to be dumped by someone who runs into the arms of Gisele Bundchen?  Man that one had to hurt.  While Bridget Moynahan is a very pretty, she is by no means Gisele. 

My sister has a saying “If you are going to cheat, cheat up.”  Basically, she means if you are going to leave me for someone else, make sure they are prettier, richer, and overall just better.  While I agree with her to some extent, part of me thinks it might be better to be left for someone who is clearly beneath you.   At least you can end each day knowing that you won.  They might have left you, but you get the last laugh.  You know that in the back of your ex’s mind they are missing you because what they now have is just not enough.  I’m not so sure Bridget can say the same.

I can’t help but feel sorry for her.  While I am sure she has moved on from their relationship there must be a part of her that thinks “When Tom dated me was he dating down?”  How could that question not cross her mind?   When you break up with someone you always say to yourself “He will never find anyone as good as me.”  But in Tom Brady’s case not only did he find someone as good as her, he found someone way better.  He found Gisele.  He broke up with one model to be with THE model.  And to make matters worse, he married THE model. 

When you are left for someone else, you just know that relationship, the one that is tainted with deceit and betrayal, will never last.  I mean how could it?  How can a relationship that began by leaving your pregnant girlfriend work?  That question haunts me just like the question “How can Gisele still look good in a bikini at 9 months pregnant?” 

I guess sometimes life bites and the sting just keeps on stinging. 

 

 

Tom and Bridget (pre-sting)















Tom and Gisele
(Ouch is right!)









The ultimate sting for all women. 
(You have to hand it to that woman.  I would never sit next to Gisele in a bathing suit. 
Even at 9 months pregnant, she still would make me feel self conscious.)

The denim was on the wall the whole time - we just never knew it

We all should have known it wouldn’t have lasted.  It was like Halley’s Comet – a bright, intense beauty that amazed us, but faded off into the darkness.  Now all we have left are distant memories and paparazzi pictures.  I guess the events of October 19^th have put the final nail in the coffin and made it official – the Britney Spears/Justin Timberlake relationship is officially dead. 

I know it has been over for a while, but for some of us, we still held out hope that they would rekindle a relationship.  To us, they were the prom king and queen of Hollywood.  They were attractive, talented, and masters of their craft.  They were everything we hated and wanted to be rolled into one.  They were simply put perfection.

I know it sounds crazy, but I always thought they would get back together.  I figured they would sow their wild oats, get a few relationships under their belts, and inevitably find each other again.  However, my fears of their relationship’s demise grew monumentally when Britney married Kevin Federline.  Kevin Federline was in my opinion a knock-off Justin.  He was attractive enough and a pretty good dancer, but that is where the similarities ended.  Britney wanted everyone to think that she found her soul mate, but we all saw what it really was – a generic form of the real thing that she once had.  I suppose K-Fed was the point of no return for Justin.  

Why is it that we as fans get so attached to these Hollywood couples?  Do we really love these celebrity couples?  Do we really hate these celebrity couples?  Or do we really love to hate them?  These celebrity break-ups are nothing new.  Throughout the years there have been many Hollywood couples whose break-ups have shaken up the public - Jessica Simpson and Nick Lacey, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, Danny Devito and Rhea Peralman (well maybe not so much with them, but you get the point.) 

While we do root for true love in Hollywood there are some couples that you just flat out root against, like Katy Perry and Russell Brand.  We all knew that relationship would never work out, but for some reason she didn’t see it.  Personally I think she was trying to prove people wrong and make the best out of a bad situation.  But maybe the more likely reason is that the flash of all of the paparazzi cameras impaired not only her vision but her good judgment.  What else could explain it?

When it comes to Britney and Justin I guess we have to ask ourselves where it went wrong.   Was it the fame?  Was it the money?  Was it the matching denim outfits they wore to the 2001 American Music Awards?  We will never know.  All we do know is that the denim was on the wall the whole time, we just never knew it.











The beginning of the end - it's written all over the denim.

The good old days when Jessica was thin, they were in love, and sun tattoos were cool.

Who knew he was really thinking "I'm going to leave you one day for someone so not as hot as you."

 

 

Oh Katy, where do we begin?                                                                         

                                                                                                               

 

 

 

 

 

 

The smack I will not talk

When you are a true fan of a celebrity, you will defend them to the death.  No matter what they do, no matter how bad it looks, you are always there to fight the good fight even in the worst situations.

This is the attitude I take when it comes to Britney Spears.  I am by no means saying that she hasn’t slipped up a time or two.  However, every time she does something outrageous and I begin to bad mouth her, I just can’t.  As soon as I start agreeing with the naysayers, I remember all of the awesomeness that she encompasses.  I flashback to her performance of “I’m a slave 4 you” when she carried the snake around her neck at the VMAs, or to her “Toxic” video, or to the glory days of her and Justin Timberlake.  Once I remember these situations, I immediately think, “Man, she is awesome.”  Which brings me to my point. 

A true fan never talks smack.  Ever.  No matter how bad it is, you can always find the positive side of your celebrity.  No matter how bad it might make you look, a true fan defends.  

To show you what I mean I will take the most horrific Britney moments and demonstrate how a true fan sees it.

  The public’s point of view
She has really lost it now.

A true fan’s point of view

Every Southern girl knows a pearl necklace dresses up any outfit.

 

 

The public’s point of view

Ok, so totally dangerous.

A true fan’s point of view

It’s never too early to start teaching your children about driving.  We don’t want them to grow up to drive like Lindsey Lohan do we?

 

The public’s point of view

Hasn’t she ever heard of underwear?

A true fan’s point of view

Panty lines can really ruin any outfit.

 

You see, a true fan always sees the positive side of even the worst moments in a celebrity’s life.  While others might think we are crazy, we will defend our celebrity no matter what without even thinking twice.  That’s just what we fans do.

So on that note,  I would just like to say, don’t worry Britney.  You just keep on doing your thing.  We’ve got your back.

Admit it, you have one too.

I have one and you know you do too.  Some people don’t talk about it, but you know they have thought about it at some point in time.  It’s not just something you can whimsically put together.  It takes time, a thought process, and maybe a little justification.  But whatever you decide, you know that when push comes to shove you are just a little bit proud of it.  It is of course your Hollywood Top 5 list. 

We all know what the Hollywood Top 5 list is, but in case you don’t I’ll explain it.  Basically, it’s a list of five people from Hollywood that given the chance encounter, you get a free pass with your significant other.  We all joke about it and laugh off the chance that anything will ever come of it, but you never know when fate will step in.  That’s why it’s always best to let your significant other know who is on your list and when any changes are made to the list.  When the time comes, you want to make sure that you are good to go.  After all the saying does go, “All is fair in love and war (and in Hollywood).”

My husband claims he doesn’t have a list at all.  Sometimes when we are watching TV I will say to him “What about her? Don’t you think she is pretty?” to which he replies “She’s ok I guess.”  Why won’t he just admit it?   Is he afraid that I will judge him?  Is he afraid that I will feel threatened?  Or is he afraid that if he agrees with me he has become one of us – a fan of Hollywood.

My top 5 has pretty much remained consistent for the past 10 years.  My top 3 tend to rotate spots depending on their current condition such as appearance, good/bad press, and associates.  For example, my top spot usually goes to Justin Timberlake.  However, during the Cameron Diaz years, he was bumped down a few notches by Nick Lachey or Ryan Reynolds. 

We all also might have one or two ghosts on our list.  A ghost is someone we like, but we might not admit too freely for fear of social scrutiny.  The ghosts are used as a substitute when an original top 5 member has somehow disappointed us.  However, once our regular top 5 member has redeemed themselves, the ghost is put back in their proper spot. 

One of my ghosts is Don Draper from Mad Men.  I know he is not technically a real person, but he’s just much more regal and debonair than John Hamm.  I also have Neil Patrick Harris on as a ghost.  I know I know – he’s gay, but man he is so cute.  And to those of you who might be judging me right now, you don’t have a leg to stand on if you have Justin Bieber on your top 5 list.

I will end this post by asking you to stand up for what’s right.  Stand up for your beliefs.  Stand up for yourself.  Stand up for your top 5 list. 

To my coveted top 5 men, my affection for you is best summed up by a lyric from Christina Aguilera:

“What I want, is what you got and what you got, is what I want.”