Katie's Pop Culture: All I can hear is the way you look.

I’ll admit it; I’m not a fashionista. I never have been. In elementary school I had a terrible perm. In the 6th grade, I was the owner of multiple silk shirts. And in high school I wore a hideous lace dress to a school dance. Like I said, I’m not a fashionista, but I never claimed to be one.

It would be different if I had made all of these terrible fashion mistakes while I was a host on a weekly fashion show who critiques other people’s outfits. That would just be plain hypocritical. How would I be able say that someone looks ridiculous when I am sitting there with purple hair or wearing a hideous plaid suit or a terrible spray tan? Who would I be to tell others their outfit is awful when what I am wearing is even worse? What would that make me? I’ll tell you what it would make me; it would make me a host on E!’s hit show “Fashion Police”.

First, let me say that I LOVE “Fashion Police”. I DVR it every week and make sure I watch it sans hubby. (Really it’s best to watch it without the peanut gallery in the background. Especially a peanut gallery who has more than one tie-dyed shirt.). I think the show is hysterical despite the underlying hypocrisy of the hosts. I love their games such as “Starlet or Streetwalker”, “Guess Me From Behind”, and “Rack Report”. I love seeing the paparazzi pictures of celebrities and most importantly I love seeing those celebrities get criticized.

Now, there are times however, that I have to take the show with a grain of salt. For example, let’s start with the star of “Fashion Police”, Joan Rivers. Now I don’t want to be too hard since the lady is 80 years old, but man her face is pulled tighter than my pants after Thanksgiving dinner. Holy cow! Now sometimes what she says is funny, but have you ever heard her criticize a celebrity for the results of a bad plastic surgery? It’s amazing that she thinks she has any room to talk? Is she really in a position to criticize when she can barely move her eyebrows?

Then there is George Kotsiopoulos, the cute albeit very gay, stylist who’s well done spray tan and pearly whites allow him to appeal to both men and women. I typically take George’s opinion to heart the most that is until I saw him wearing the most horrible plaid coat and matching vest. Oh Georgie, come on. You’re gay and you’re a stylist. We expect more from you.

Another host is Giuliana Rancic. She is funny and energetic. Now that being said I have to wonder “WTF Guiliana? What is up with the hair extensions and overdone spray tan?” Her extensions were so long that she was basically swimming in that terrible hair. And the spray tan – I know you are Italian, but no one is that tan all of the time. No one. She looks like Ross from that episode of “Friends” when he gets confused in the spray tan booth.

Speaking of terrible hair let’s talk about the queen of terrible hair – Kelly Osbourne. Why, why is her hair purple? I know that she is an Osbourne and therefore has a bit of crazy in her genes, but the hair, the hair! It makes her look 85 years old. It’s just plain terrible. Then there are her outfit choices. One episode she was wearing a sailor shirt with a captain’s hat. Yes, a captain’s hat as in a hat that a captain of a boat would wear. She’s wearing a captain’s hat as she criticizing the fashion choices of others. The whole time I am watching her all I kept thinking was “No, that couldn’t be. She wouldn’t. Seriously is that? What? How? Why?” I just don’t’ get it. Apparently she is really into being “fashion forward”. I’m not sure what that means exactly, but if it means wearing a captain’s hat, count me out.

Bad perms. Hideous silk shirts. Terrible formal dresses. They all are just a drop in the bucket to the fashion crimes committed by these so called fashionistas. It’s just like the saying goes, “Those who have had too many facelifts, wear matching plaid vests and jackets, go on hair extension and spay tan overload, and have purple hair really shouldn’t throw fashion stones.” They just really, really shouldn’t.