The Breakdown of Bieberisms

Every generation is blessed with a handful of articulate scholars.  These wordsmiths can string together words so nicely that it paints the most beautiful picture for the reader.   These writers will live on forever through their work and posthumously continue to influence the readers of the world.   There are however, an elite group of people who also influence the world with their words, but not quite in the same way.  Luckily for us, lots of these people live in Hollywood.  

It is true that in Hollywood you can find celebrities who are very well spoken and have the ability to beautifully express their thoughts and inspire others.  But let’s face it, those people just aren’t as fun to watch as the Hollywood train wrecks masking themselves as the next Shakespeare.  Case in point Justin Bieber.

Justin Bieber is one celeb that just doesn’t seem to ever disappoint us when he speaks.  While he might consider himself the poet laureate of Tenseltown, the rest of us probably disagree.  With each interview he does we are left scratching our heads thinking “What in the world is he talking about?”  But, what I wonder is this: is it possible he thinks he is making sense?  Is he just having a hard time articulating his thoughts?

To investigate this theory, I have pulled the top five craziest “Bieberisms” and have broken them down into what that tatted-up, bleached blonde was really trying to say as well as what we think when we hear the comment.

Bieberism #5
"I have a swagger coach that helps me and teaches me different swaggerific things to do . . . He has helped me with my style and just putting different pieces together and being able to layer and stuff like that."

What he meant – I’m have a really great stylist that helps me with my outfits.

Our reaction to this comment - You have so much money that you can spend it on a bunch of ridiculous crap and then make up words so it sounds legit.

Bieberism #4 –
"Singers aren't supposed to have dairy before a show, but we all know I'm a rule breaker."

What he meant – I march to the beat of my own drummer.

Our reaction to this comment – If dairy is the only bad thing you are ingesting before your shows I would be surprised.

Bieberism  #3

“It’s kind of hard to balance school and work sometimes. But sometimes, like, if I’m going to the White House and I’m in there doing a tour and stuff, that’s like school.”

What he meant – I try to take every life event as a learning experience.

What we think when we hear this comment – First off, who would let you in the White House?  Secondly, like there has been any schooling going on in your life within the last decade.

Bieberism #2

“Sunday comes after Saturday? Weird.”

What he meant – Life can take you by surprise.

Our reaction to this comment – Refer back to the second sentence in our reaction to Bieberism #3.

Bieberism #1

“If I can do just one-tenth of the good that Michael Jackson did for others, I can really make a difference in this world.”

What he meant – I want to be a positive influence to other people.

Our reaction to this comment – Wearing PJs to court.  Bubbles the chimp.  Jesus Juice.  Emulating Michael Jackson might not be the way to go buddy.

Maybe I am being too hard on Bieber.  I mean after all he is a foreigner and there might be a language barrier.  Oh wait, he’s from Canada right?  Yeah, then I got nothing.  You are on your own Biebs.

Don't let those sultry eyes fool you.  There's a whole lot of nothing going on in that head.

Based off this outfit, I think we all can agree that this swagger coach is money well spent.

Unfortunately vitamin D is probably not the only thing Justin Bieber is toasting to in this picture.