A Double Selfie Standard

Do you remember the days of film cameras?  It seems like it was a long time ago, but I remember the excitement I had every time I went to the store to pick up a new set of pictures that I had developed.  I remember the anticipation I had as I opened the pack of pictures.  I also remember the disappointment I felt when half of the pictures were off centered or even worse when I looked terrible.  I remember thinking, “Ugh!  I wish there was a way I could see the pictures before they were developed.  Then I would be able to avoid developing any unflattering pictures of myself.”  Enter the digital camera.

The digital camera forever changed the way we took pictures.  Suddenly, we were given the gift of endless pictures.  We could take a picture over and over again until we finally got one without a double chin or closed eyes or weird smile.  We had infinity at our fingertips.  With digital cameras, we thought it just couldn't get any better.  

And then one day the all of the stars aligned in the universe and we were given the gift of the camera phone.  The camera phone gave a since of utopia to every self-absorbed teenager and vain celebrity.  Not only could they take infinite amounts of pictures, but they could turn the camera on themselves and capture their face from an arm’s length away.  The "selfie" was born and photography has never been the same since.  

Selfies have simultaneously revolutionized and destroyed our world.  What used to be a picture posted to show a cool vacation spot or a new hairdo has morphed into a monster.  We have selfies of people celebrating days of the week, selfies of people working out at the gym, and selfies of moms nursing their babies.  We are drowning in selfies with no hope of ever being rescued. 

My question for all of the selfie addicts is “Do we really care?”  Do we really care what your #ootd (outfit of the day) is or how you react towards Mondays or that you are sweaty from a workout?  Do we really care that the things you are doing and posting on social media are the same mundane things that the rest of us are doing every single day?  The answer is no and yes. 

The predicament that I am in is that as annoyed as I get with people posting pictures to document the monotony of life, I am also infatuated by it - but only when it comes to celebrities.    If I have a friend on social media who post a post-workout selfie I annoyingly roll my eyes and rumble a rude comment under my breath.  But if a Kardashian post a post-workout picture I am immediately captivated.  I find myself studying the picture taking in every detail and then googling what workout program they are using.  It’s such a double standard or in this case a double selfie standard.  What makes these celebrities immune to my eye rolling, grumbling, and annoyance?  What makes them so special that I am hypnotized by the boring events of their lives?  Waist training, make-up application, their pets – it doesn’t matter.  As long as they are Hollywood I want to know every single detail of every single day.

Love them or hate them selfies are here to stay.  Maybe it’s a good thing.  How else are we expected to get through our day if we don’t have a picture of Kourtney Kardashian pumping or Reese Witherspoon drinking her morning coffee?  But all of you selfie addicts out there be forewarned.  If you are not a celebrity and are posting #ootd selfies, new hair-do selfies, or hump-day selfies we aren't interested.  But if you are a celebrity your #ootd selfies, new hair-do selfies, and hump-day selfies are mind-blowing and we just can't get enough.  So please keep them coming.

Kim Kardashian is the queen of selfies.  Amazingly she has turned her infatuation with herself into a full time job.  It looks exhausting.

Apparently this is one of the first mirror selfies.  If you ask me this woman might be Kim Kardashian.  She and Kim have so many things in common.  They both like looking at themselves in a mirror.  They both like taking pictures of themselves.  They both wear corsets (or in Kim's case a waist trainer).   

Sure we thought Zack Morris's gigantic phone was annoying.  Little did we know how annoying a "cellular phone" could be.

I like to think of this blog as a celebrity chemical peel.

I would love to say that I make a living by writing this pop culture blog, but unfortunately that is not the case.  Proudly (or sadly by some people’s point of view) I write this for my own pleasure.  I enjoy writing and most importantly I enjoy pop culture. 

Recently I applied for a job outside of my career and one of the job requirements stated that the desired candidate would have a “strong interest and knowledge of current events, sports, pop culture, technology, and trends”.  Obviously, I figured I would be a shoe in for this job as who else would have a stronger interest and knowledge of pop culture than someone with their own pop culture blog?  

Anyways, I excitedly told my husband that I found a great job in which my blog would actually prove to be financially beneficial for our family.  He replied, “Don’t you think they will take one look at your blog and assume that you hate celebrities?” 

Say what?!  I always thought that my blog paid homage (as well as a reality check) to celebrities.  When I questioned him further he said, “If a celebrity read your blog, I’m sure they wouldn't be happy.”  Excitedly I responded, “Do you think any celebrities have read my blog?”  Without skipping a beat he quipped, “No.” 

But that conversation got me thinking.  Do celebrities really think I hate them?  This started an internal journey – a pilgrimage if you will.  I like to think of it as my very own Wild, but instead of hiking 1,100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trial, I was hiking 1,100 miles of my soul.  How could my blog be thought of as written with anything other than affection? 

I know it goes without saying that I do not beat around the bush.  If I feel that a celebrity has done something idiotic I will be the first to call them out, but that doesn't mean I hate celebrities.  On the contrary, I love celebrities.  I love them so much that I decide to spend my free time helping them to see the error of their ways.  I say to them what we are all thinking.  It might sound harsh, but it’s for their own good.   

Take Gwyneth Paltrow for example.  She raved and raved on her website, Goop, about the newest health craze for women – the v-steam.  I’m sorry, but am I the only one who thinks this is a terrible idea?  Aside from the obvious health issues that come with steaming your who-ha, which ones of us have the time or the extraneous cash to v-steam.  If I have an extra $50 lying around, I’m sure as Shakespeare ain’t gonna spend it steaming my nether region.  But what really kills me is Gwyneth’s attitude about this.  Apparently she thinks that she is really helping the general public by promoting this nonsense.  Somebody needs to be straight with Gwyneth.  Enter me.  This is where I do my very own public service announcement.

Gwyneth, I would like to tell you that while we appreciate your effort, you should spend your time educating the public with more helpful tips, like how the average woman could save money in order to afford anything you promote on your Goop website.

Next let’s look at the Kardashians.  If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times.  I love/hate/am borderline obsessed with the Kardashians.  I can’t help it.  They drive me nuts and infatuate me all at the same time.  I can’t stand how they have become famous for basically no reason at all, and at the same time I am so unbelievably jealous that they have become famous for basically no reason at all.  But don’t get me wrong, my love for that outlandish family does not spare them from my ridicule.  Just because I watch every episode of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” doesn’t mean I’m not going to say “Kim and Kanye, I still can’t believe you named your child after cardinal directions.  She will hate you one day for this.”  Or “Kris, remember you are in your 60s.  Let’s dress like it.”  Or even “Kylie, if you have 40 minutes a day devoted just to applying your lip make-up, you have too much time on your hands.  Get a hobby.”  I am cut-throat and I am honest, yet like clockwork I am planted in front of the television every Sunday night waiting for their ridiculousness unfold.  

I’ll admit that at times I feel as if I am the Regina George of pop culture and my blog is the Burn Book.  But before you judge, remember the Burn Book wasn’t just a gossipy, hurtful book; it was a mirror to the truth.  Trang Pak did make out with Coach Carr.  Amber D’Alessio did make out with a hot dog (even if it was only once).  And Dawn Schweitzer was a fat virgin (well that’s only half true).  As much as it hurts, sometimes we need to speak the truth.  Like Regina George, if I am painfully honest, I do it out of love.  Love of the cameras.  Love of the fame.  Love of the outlandishness that arises out of Tinsletown.  My hope is that celebrities will look at my blog like a chemical peel.  The truth of the my words sting, but after the redness and swelling subsides you will look more rejuvenated and less like an ass.

Why you ask does Gwyneth look so happy?  Her lady parts never felt so fresh.

  

Trang Pak,  Amber D’Alessio, Dawn Schweitzer, Gwenyth Paltrow, the Kardashains - the truth hurts ladies  



Girl, don't you know it.